8 Reasons why (most) gingers hate summer

1) We are accused of starting nuclear wars and also causing planes to crash.

It goes something like this;

“Sccchhh, er Heathrow, witnessing a nuclear explosion over Dorset. Do you copy? Over. Sccchhh”

“Er, nope, Quantas, that would be the sheer goddam white reflection from the legs of Hannah Smith. She notified us she is on holiday and at the beach. Over. Scccchhh”.

“MY EYES! Over! Sccccccch!”

Aaaaand, it’s too late.

argh

 

2) Our friends end up hating us and avoid us totally before the end of July.

Because we don’t want to do anything outside. At all. In fact, we just don’t want to do anything. Unless you invite us to sit very still, with a wet flannel on our heads and rapidly advance global warming by using lots of fans and air con and precious tap water for our paddling pools.

pool

 

3) The sunshine causes an optical illusion. And not one in our favour.

It doesn’t matter if a person is the size of a bus (and all power to them), a tan makes them look thinner. Fact. And a lack of any tan in comparison whatsoever makes even the skinniest ginger appear fatter.

Big Betty

 

4) People suspect we have a drinking problem.

One solo sunbeam finds our vampire skin and we BURST into a colour brighter than the sun. We look constantly out of it, flushed and pissed.

 

booze

 

5) People accuse us of causing rapid advances in global warming.

As I mentioned before. WE NEED TO STAY COOL.

005

(yeah you don’t want a stiff breeze or an hyper kid running around and bashing into stuff in that situation).

6) Our faces explode.

Skin weaker than a baby + enough suncream slathered on that we look like a Geisha = a pizza face.

016

 

7) People think have aged suddenly, in the past few weeks, since the spring, when we last had energy and were communicative and unaffected by the sun’s death rays. They think…we must be terribly ill.

Ok, right, we don’t tan. We freckle. And then our individual freckles morph together with other individual freckles, like oil drops finding each other, creating ONE GIANT FRECKLE. We look like we have liver spots.

liver spots

 

 

8) People laugh at our hats.

ET hat

So there you go. Roll on winter. And a life of shade and cool.

 

 

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24 Responses to 8 Reasons why (most) gingers hate summer

  1. oh Han, you poor sod, but what a hilarious blog love you cuz xxx

  2. Roxanne Gray says:

    Saw this as a retweet from an Irish friend on my timeline… yes, yes, and more yes. This, infinity. From a pasty ginger with an entire ginger family in Mississippi, USA :)

  3. Neil Greggor says:

    You think you have trouble? I’m half manx, and manx people aren’t white, they are pale blue! It takes us a week to get white! ;-)

  4. Andy says:

    This is all kinds of awesome! I love the photos so much I forgot to feel sorry for you. Big Betty is my favourite.

  5. @babberblog says:

    Brilliant! Nice work. I also think most of this applies to me, though I have no hair.

    • Hannah says:

      I could always just whip the hair off one of the playmobil characters for you and add you in!
      ps) you do have hair!

  6. Russ says:

    I love summer, or should I say the memories of summer.

    Current summers I f**king hate!

    In past summers I forget that I have to put on factor 50 every time I want to spend more than 2.3 seconds out in the sun.
    Then I have to spend the rest of the day feeling like I’ve been both greased up and covered in jam at the same time.

    My Dad recently sent off for a DNA background check and it came back saying we descended from the Picts and Iron age people from ancient eastern and northern Scotland. So basically I really need to be living within touching distance to the Arctic circle or I’m totally screwed every summer.

    • Hannah says:

      You took the words right out of my mouth – we are designed for snow and cold and jumpers. And now we have kids, we grease up with suncream, then they throw mud and grass at us and it STICKS. So not only are we greaseballs, we are gritty greaseballs.
      Awesome DNA test your dad did though!! Can you email me the link of how to do that? My dad would LOVE that (Christmas)
      x

      • Russ says:

        I’ve just gone back through my emails and this is the company he used http://www.britainsdna.com/

        Some more info from my DNA:

        “YOUR FATHERLINE IS PRETANI”

        “the PRETANI and your ancestors gave Britain its
        name and were the very first inhabitants of these islands to appear in the historical record.”

        As you’re a fellow ginger I’m guessing you’re going to get a similar result :)

  7. Fantastic Hannah the little people are hysterical Ive put on link on my fb !! I guess you may have to go underground till the sun goes :( its bloody boiling here at the farm we are baking!!

    • Hannah says:

      Oh thank you so much! That is really kind of you to link it. What temps have you got on the farm? It’s roasting isn’t it?! Thank you again x

    • Hannah says:

      Thank you so much for linking it up! It’s roasting isn’t it? What temps do you have on the farm? Thank you again x

  8. Alex says:

    chuckle chuckle chuckle chuckle, you are bloody funny!!!! brilliant brilliant brilliant. thanks for the laughs sweetie, come and see us soon xxx

  9. Carly says:

    Brilliant, love your sun hat

  10. God help my kids with a blonde dad and a ginger mum, although having said that Henry has some good tan lines going from all that time in the paddling pool in his sunsuit :)

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