The Urge

I was a really good neighbour over the holidays and took my kids out LOADS to give next door a break from all the SCREAMING AND INCREDIBLY LOUD SHOUTING. One of those places, was London. London. Growing up on the Isle of Wight in the 1980′s I always had a big fear of … Continue reading

The Fourth Trimester

Somehow I feel like I am being dragged into the school assembly in just my pants and socks whilst the other kids point and laugh at me for being an idiot for believing it is “Wear only your pants and socks to school day!”. But I can’t help it. Yes yes … Continue reading

COLIN WON’T DIE

When the zombies noisily and rudely knock down our doors and eat all the people, ridding the world of healthy flesh and hope, I would put my useless, irrelevant, pointless money on one living being surviving. Colin. The fish. Because HE JUST WON’T DIE. He is a scaly superhero, trapped in a bowl. When … Continue reading

Under Pressure

Point me towards an escalating meltdown that needs dealing with, and I am your wonder woman. I LOVES a drama. I loves a mole hill acting like a mountain. You may remember this from previously, when I talked about how catastrophes warm my cockles. But I only love a drama if it … Continue reading

8 Reasons why (most) gingers hate summer

1) We are accused of starting nuclear wars and also causing planes to crash. It goes something like this; “Sccchhh, er Heathrow, witnessing a nuclear explosion over Dorset. Do you copy? Over. Sccchhh” “Er, nope, Quantas, that would be the sheer goddam white reflection from the legs of Hannah Smith. She notified us … Continue reading