I didn’t win the award. Let’s get that bit over with. Instead I did an excellent Joey Gracious Loser Face and then inhaled the rest of the free booze on the table.
However, here are 12 reasons why Friday night was incredible and how it was a winning night for me after all;
1) I was not victim to a Penny Shuffler lurking at the back of the queue waiting to board the underground, giving in to his murderous urges , slowly but surely calculating when to begin picking people off and sending them to fizz-popping bowel bursting deaths on the train line. HA HA in your face Penny Shuffler! Winning.
2) I met old friends and made new. Winning.
3) I took my first ever selfie in a big mirror.
I have set the bar high with this as this mirror was in a really posh loo with wifi access. I don’t think it can ever be beaten. Winning.
4) I was the first person to finish pudding. So, I came first at something.
5) Stumbling around Dr Ranj
after 3 champagnes and many many wines, I listened to the last sober brain cell in my head (before it too became an alcohol percentage victim) as it said with its dying breath
“Go home NOW, Hannah. Go home before you start hugging strangers and telling them you love them.”
I listened to that little fella. Which was weird ‘cos I normally just drown the little guy out with more booze. But not tonight. Winning.
This also meant, therefore…
6) That there was no incriminating photographic evidence of me drunk-hugging strangers, offending people with cuddly over familiarity. Because of the brain cell that told me to evacuate the building before that could (and would) happen. Winning.
7) I had a little power nap on the train (deep and irresponsible solo slumber) but woke up as my train pulled in to my station, and therefore didn’t wake up in BIRMINGHAM. I wiped a bit of dribble off my chin as the loud speaker announced our arrival, saying
“PING! High Wycombe”
and I went
“Yup. That’ll do”.
Now that is a winning result if EVER I saw one.
8) The taxi driver let me off a quid on my fare from the station because I didn’t have change and hadn’t won my catergory. Winning.
9) I was sensible and ate the hangover prevention aids I had packed in my bag earlier on that day – salt and vinegar crisps. I don’t remember this (prevention aid fail) but I do know that it happened because I found the crumbly evidence ground in and stuck on my coat the next morning. Evidence that will need to be dry cleaned off. But at least I stuck to my plan of eating them. Winning.
10) I woke up to being head butted in my poor abused kidneys by my 3 year old. Who was quickly scurried out by my husband and taken downstairs. Kidneys bruised but still functioning? Winning. Lie-in? Winning.
11) Looked at myself in the mirror in the make up I hadn’t taken off the night before. Skin aged by 7 days because of this (fail). But I still looked remarakably well made up and considered not washing and just spending the day in last night’s make-up. Realised that even thinking this probably meant I was still a bit drunk. Went back to sleep. Winning.
12) Woke up to find this Recovery Package
laid out for me by my lovely, thoughtful husband. Winning.
So there you go. I really am a winner after all.