Your head will cave in

“Edward! Don’t bite your toenails! It’s disgusting” says I. “But they’re clean. They’re mine” says he. Whilst I can’t fault his logic, I can still fault the act itself. It’s disgusting. We don’t even own a pet he may have copied this from. We have a fish, Colin, with one … Continue reading

What have they got in there? King Kong?

“Excellent!” said Smudge, holding Alex at arms length and angling Alex’s puffy-all-in-one-snowsuited body so that his feet were shoved in my face. “The very first step out of the car and it is into some sort of indeterminable poo.” “For goodness sakes, Smudge” I hiss “It’s a zoo! It’s not the … Continue reading

Automobile Aerobics

Automobile aerobics. Sounds a bit sexy, doesn’t it? It isn’t. I like to call it by it’s other name; “The Soul Destroying Performing Monkey Dance”. Let’s start at the beginning. Travel snacks for journeys with kids need army-precision planning. It is a skill. I am putting it on my CV. … Continue reading

SAHM (Stay At Home Malingerer)

It’s Alex’s first proper, proper, proper day at playschool today, without me skulking about in the shadows, making sure the playschool teachers to child ratio remains intact. As I left him in the care of someone other than me, I avoided all eye contact with other mothers, friends of mine, who … Continue reading