Not the end of the world, but irritations. Irritations which you can’t actually do anything about. Like, a stray eyelash floating about your eyeball…or…the cast of Loose Women. Annoying, yet in your life whether you like it or not and you are powerless against them.
I can’t be alone in these, right?
- When someone without a kid parks in the kiddy space at the supermarket. My husband always tells me he is going to shout “er! I think you left your imaginary kid in the car!” He never does.
- People who are frequent non-repliers to text messages.
- People who repeat the information/ news/ amazingly interesting fact you just told them, as if it was theirs, to the rest of the group you are sat with at the pub garden table. You could point out it was your fact first, but you would just look like a nob.
- Doctors who tell you “It is probably because of stress/ diet/ a viral infection”. Even though they are always right and it is the result of stress/diet/ a viral infection.
- Hotels using a blanket and sheet combination instead of a duvet. They barely ever wash those blankets you know. You are sleeping with the dead skin of a thousand strangers.
- When someone crosses the road in front of your approaching car, spots you, speeds up in to a ‘dad run’ for half of the road, and then slows down to a walk again well before they step on the curb. Just don’t bother jogging at all mate.
- Snarly Doctors receptionists who lord it up over their booking systems. Guys, you are essentially guard dogs.
- The dentist telling you to see the hygienist. Despite having just told you that your teeth are great and in brilliant condition.
- When the person in front of you at the checkout suddenly remembers something they have not put in their trolley, leaves their shopping and goes and gets forgotten item. And is gone for 5 minutes.
- The tall person who sits in front of you in the near empty cinema.
- The person who sits next to you in the near empty cinema.
- The person who parks next to your car in near empty car parks.
- When parents let their child stalk you at the park/ soft play, not leaving you alone to play with your own kids, who you actually want to spend time pushing on the bloody swing.
- When you get home from shopping and your newly purchased punnet of strawberries has a rogue infected mouldy Strawberry in it, slowly infecting the others.
- When your local pub changes the wine/beer you normally have there and swaps it for something “new and exciting” (cheaper to buy in bulk).
- When a relative/friend buys the same present for your child as you have, and gives it to them first.
- When a relative/ friend lets your child get away with murder then sends them home. This can happen maybe 3 times and is “ok” and popped under the umbrella of “oh but they don’t see them often!”. After this, it’s a silent war.
- When the doorbell rings at your house before 10am. Unless it is a postman with a parcel.
- People on Facebook and Twitter who write updates like “I just don’t know why this has happened”. And then don’t embelish. And then do it again. And again. And again.
- People who put “inspirational photos” on Facebook. If I wanted to be inspired I would go for a bungee jump. I don’t find a picture of a cat stroking a duck, inspirational. All I think is – when will that cat be hungry enough to eat that duck?
- Facebook posts of a photo of a child in a wheelchair hooked up to all manner of life saving machines, with a dog next to them, and the caption is “How much love do you have for this dog right now?”. The dog?! F*ck off.
- Waiters who don’t write down your order and commit it to memory instead. Makes me nervous. And irritates me. Whether they get it wrong or right.
- Cheap tat in children’s party bags. I am not about a fancy party bag full of gold and I Tune vouchers. I would just rather my kid had slight disappointment at not having a party bag than being sent home with a choking hazard and a bag of E Numbers. And my kids don’t need anymore wax crayons in little packets.
- The small silver plate in a pretentious pub that suggest you should leave a tip. It makes me not leave a tip.
- The tip already added on to a bill in a restuarant. I was going to leave a massive tip. Now I am just leaving the amount stated on the bill.
- People on trains playing their music through their phone without headphones. I do not want N Dubz as a soundtrack leading me towards a family trip out.
- People who spit in the street.
- Dogs that run up to you in the park and sniff about your picnic/ pram/ crotch. I don’t care if Fido is harmless and just saying hello. Get his nose away from my cheese sandwich/child/ lady bits.
- When people say they have “the flu”, when it is actually just a bad cold.
- Sorting your glass recycling in to colours for the recycling centre, but when the bin men come round and collect your glass they chuck it all in the one bin – all colours. All mixed in to one massive pot.
- The price of a child’s haircut. £15?! But I will pay it. Because I am held to randsome. I tried to cut their hair and they looked like Lloyd Christmas. I want grandchildren. I will pay the 15 quid, but moan about it.
So there you go. My riles. I feel a lot better now. It’s nice to have a list. 😉
Care to add any of your own? Please don’t let me be the only one with a laminated list of irks.