Irks. 31 of them.

Not the end of the world, but irritations. Irritations which you can’t actually do anything about. Like, a stray eyelash floating about your eyeball…or…the cast of Loose Women. Annoying, yet in your life whether you like it or not and you are powerless against them.


I can’t be alone in these, right?

  1. When someone without a kid parks in the kiddy space at the supermarket. My husband always tells me he is going to shout “er! I think you left your imaginary kid in the car!” He never does.
  2. People who are frequent non-repliers to text messages.
  3. People who repeat the information/ news/ amazingly interesting fact you just told them, as if it was theirs, to the rest of the group you are sat with at the pub garden table. You could point out it was your fact first, but you would just look like a nob.
  4. Doctors who tell you “It is probably because of stress/ diet/ a viral infection”. Even though they are always right and it is the result of stress/diet/ a viral infection.
  5. Hotels using a blanket and sheet combination instead of a duvet. They barely ever wash those blankets you know. You are sleeping with the dead skin of a thousand strangers.
  6. When someone crosses the road in front of your approaching car, spots you, speeds up in to a ‘dad run’ for half of the road, and then slows down to a walk again well before they step on the curb. Just don’t bother jogging at all mate.
  7. Snarly Doctors receptionists who lord it up over their booking systems.  Guys, you are essentially guard dogs.
  8. The dentist telling you to see the hygienist. Despite having just told you that your teeth are great and in brilliant condition.
  9. When the person in front of you at the checkout suddenly remembers something they have not put in their trolley, leaves their shopping and goes and gets forgotten item. And is gone for 5 minutes.
  10. The tall person who sits in front of you in the near empty cinema.
  11. The person who sits next to you in the near empty cinema.
  12. The person who parks next to your car in near empty car parks.
  13. When parents let their child stalk you at the park/ soft play, not leaving you alone to play with your own kids, who you actually want to spend time pushing on the bloody swing.
  14. When you get home from shopping and your newly purchased punnet of strawberries has a rogue infected mouldy Strawberry in it, slowly infecting the others.
  15. When your local pub changes the wine/beer you normally have there and swaps it for something “new and exciting” (cheaper to buy in bulk).
  16. When a relative/friend buys the same present for your child as you have, and gives it to them first.
  17. When a relative/ friend lets your child get away with murder then sends them home. This can happen maybe 3 times and is “ok” and popped under the umbrella of “oh but they don’t see them often!”. After this, it’s a silent war.
  18. When the doorbell rings at your house before 10am. Unless it is a postman with a parcel.
  19. People on Facebook and Twitter who write updates like “I just don’t know why this has happened”. And then don’t embelish. And then do it again. And again. And again.
  20. People who put “inspirational photos” on Facebook. If I wanted to be inspired I would go for a bungee jump. I don’t find a picture of a cat stroking a duck, inspirational. All I think is – when will that cat be hungry enough to eat that duck?
  21. Facebook posts of a photo of a child in a wheelchair hooked up to all manner of life saving machines, with a dog next to them, and the caption is “How much love do you have for this dog right now?”. The dog?! F*ck off.
  22. Waiters who don’t write down your order and commit it to memory instead. Makes me nervous. And irritates me. Whether they get it wrong or right.
  23. Cheap tat in children’s party bags. I am not about a fancy party bag full of gold and I Tune vouchers. I would just rather my kid had slight disappointment at not having a party bag than being sent home with a choking hazard and a bag of E Numbers. And my kids don’t need anymore wax crayons in little packets.
  24. The small silver plate in a pretentious pub that suggest you should leave a tip. It makes me not leave a tip.
  25. The tip already added on to a bill in a restuarant. I was going to leave a massive tip. Now I am just leaving the amount stated on the bill.
  26. People on trains playing their music through their phone without headphones. I do not want N Dubz as a soundtrack leading me towards a family trip out.
  27. People who spit in the street.
  28. Dogs that run up to you in the park and sniff about your picnic/ pram/ crotch. I don’t care if Fido is harmless and just saying hello. Get his nose away from my cheese sandwich/child/ lady bits.
  29. When people say they have “the flu”, when it is actually just a bad cold.
  30. Sorting your glass recycling in to colours for the recycling centre, but when the bin men come round and collect your glass they chuck it all in the one bin – all colours. All mixed in to one massive pot.
  31. The price of a child’s haircut. £15?! But I will pay it. Because I am held to randsome. I tried to cut their hair and they looked like Lloyd Christmas. I want grandchildren. I will pay the 15 quid, but moan about it.

So there you go. My riles. I feel a lot better now. It’s nice to have a list. 😉

Care to add any of your own? Please don’t let me be the only one with a laminated list of irks.


Tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Irks. 31 of them.

  1. Sam Dolan says:

    People who stand indecently close to you in a queue, people who ask “are you sure there’s not two in there?” when you’re pregnant, people who start a sentence with “don’t right” and then tell you a dull story mildly linked to what you were talking about, people who DON’T stand to the right on underground escalators. So, to sum up, people. Thank you for the blank space to vent my rage.

    • Hannah says:

      Am liking these, Dolan, am liking them. Laminate!

    • identité says:

      I saw a little sign on FB and am thinking about making it up to have framed in my house. It says; “I want to like people, I really so, but they’re all so fucking stupid.”

  2. Emily Evans says:

    Loving this blog! Blatantly going to reply to this all day. My first annoyance is : neighbours who use their petrol lawn mower at 7.30pm (kids bedtime) except when kids are having a sleepover, and they same neighbours cut their lawn at 8am!!!! Grrrrr x

  3. Ruth Taylor says:

    RE: number 20…. I reckon the duck is stuffed! Only because when I was a kid the poshest girl in my class (Linda Price) owned a stuffed duckling and used to bring it in for show and tell every year.

    On to irks:
    1. people who don’t ‘poop and scoop”… spent years cleaning kids trainers, footballs etc!
    2. people who park over-lapping the drop-kerb of my drive (ok.. one vehicle parking area) so that it’s darn near impossible to get in or out!
    3. parents who buy competitive end-of-term gifts for teachers
    4. parents who let their kids ride scooters in the supermarket
    5. anyone who shouts out ginger abuse, especially scaffolders!!!!

  4. hitmanharris says:

    I heartily disagree with number 20! I want more photos of kittens stroking ducklings or a sloth stroking an alpaca or a donkey stroking a dog in a wetsuit. More! More! More!

    On the more irksome front I would like to see a law passed to prevent people entering the London Underground with a bag or case that is bigger than they are. If you can fit in it then you can’t travel. Now get out of my way!

  5. Emily Evans says:

    Another annoyance, big queue in supermarket and they finally open another aisle and the person behind you is now in front of you in the queue!

  6. Ange says:

    Stella McCartney

    • stefanie says:

      I would like to up that to Paul McCartney

      • Steve says:

        I would like to take this a notch further, and include screaming ‘Hey Jude’ at multiple high profile public events. The Beatles were awesome, and so was Paul. I saw him at the Isle of Wight Festival and thought he was awesome. But now I’m tired… so tired. Please Paul, enough is enough. It is time to stop. Please.

  7. stefanie says:

    after reading your blog, I have thought of lots of things that irk me.
    slow computers.
    people who over use !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. one is good.
    using “your” instead of “you’re”
    not saying please or thankyou. its free. use them.
    competitive non sport things -parenting-spending-holidaying-boasting.
    people who talk to their children in a stupid voice. they are people no matter how small TALK TO THEM PROPERLY.
    being unable to make a decision (me)


  8. Mike says:

    How about people who speak to you, making far too much eye contact than neccesary. (oops might have just broken your Irk no 3!)

    For me (amongst many others) it’s
    – using the word “like” 5 times in every sentence
    – using “actually” because you think iut makes you an expert, to those that use it to much it’s nothing more than announcing one’s opinion of one’s own opinion!
    – using “literally” when really they mean “figuratively”…”I literally died out there tonight!”…really, that’s a shame!

    There are more – many more, but my final irk is writing lists of things knowing that I’m bound to forget so many of them!

  9. Dave Rostron says:

    Piers Morgan. I cannot express with words, expressive dance or any other medium how much I HATE that man. When he pops up on my television I actually feel like calling the police. I don’t want to look at him, hear from him or read anything about him ever again.

  10. Ruth Taylor says:

    Also shop assistants with a ‘whatever’ attitude. Especially those really scary ones in the make-up halls of fancy department stores who look like slappers!

  11. Carly Quinn says:

    Checkout assistants who appear to be trying to break some type of world record by throwing everything through the scanner as fast as they can, before you’ve even had chance to reach for your bag for life.

  12. bonniecroft says:

    people who park on the pavement!!!!!!! ,When i am out with Ed and Alex we all 3 shout at the cars and mutter loudly about the very naughty peole that do this . I have this great urge to accidently ( of course ) scrape Alex’ push chair down the side of said cars .

  13. Em says:

    People who say thank you on roundabouts.
    Drivers who don’t let pedestrians cross the street in the rain.
    Cyclists who don’t wear crash helmets.
    Banks that don’t warn you when you have no money.
    Customers who ask what’s bigger, a mug or a cup.
    People who don’t say please/ thank you. I won’t serve you!
    Parents that let their children RUN along pavements next to busy roads.
    Shoe shops that don’t stock above a size 7. Some of us need a size 10 and don’t want to wear men’s shoes or have to resort to transvestite shops.

    There are many more, but I may get a bit too wound up!

  14. Em says:

    People/ newspapers who say “in the Isle of Wight”. It is an ISLAND. Hence “ISLE of Wight”. It is “ON the Isle of Wight”.
    Get it right. Please.

  15. identité says:

    Mmm, I think I will do as you say and blog the things I am finding irksome at the moment.
    As I said on the Twitters, number 1 is people moaning about HOLIDAYS. For goodness sake, not all of us can afford to fly our kids to Bermuda, Sri Lanka, . I don’t begrudge you the break, so don’t you moan about the preparation, packing etc.

  16. Pingback: Things I find Irksome | The Inexpert …

  17. Rachel Haines says:

    Noisy eaters. People who start texting someone else while you are pouring your heart out to them. My favourite – people who ask you a question and then interrupt you so many times with their own fascinating story you never actually get to answer them!

  18. Angie C says:

    Just thought of another one, people saying… “On a scale of 1 to 10, I give them a 12” that’s not a scale of 1 to 10!?!?!

  19. bonniecroft says:

    Rachel I am with you BIG TIME with noisy eaters . I want to scream at them, STOP CHAMMING ( Isle of Wight Term ) and people who talk with food in their mouths . I want to and do sometimes say , I am happy to wait while you finish eating the food you have in your mouth .AAAAAGGGHHH

Like my blog? Leave a reply...