Ahhh. Childrens films.
Anyone want to see a film about little bunnies?
Here it is.
Did your heart miss a beat when you saw this picture? Did you sort of angle your body away from the screen a little bit whilst your eyes carried on staring, big like saucers? Did you have flashbacks to being little and watching this devil film on a Sunday afternoon, you parents ok-ing it, and, darn it, actively encouraging it because it was on Channel 4 so therefore deemed Ok? Betcha that happened…The memory pot has been stirred…
THAT was from 34 years ago. Before watershed, before age appropriate grading for films, and before safety blocks on the internet to stop your wee ones getting an eyeful when searching online for “Big balloons” for their birthday parties.
Anyone want to see a film about little owls?
Here it is.
This is from 2010. A PG movie.
I assumed PG meant
“fine for kids to watch alone. ‘Guidance’ really only refers to parental discretion and brain power, based on dvd cover/ how much other stuff you have to do ergo why you have sat your children in front of a DVD in the first place”.
(and in fairness to me, this was not the DVD cover version of the film I picked up)
I didn’t think it really meant “Parental Guidance needed”. I thought, it’s an American thing. They are always extra cautious and OTT! Those funny old yanks! They always sue each other, everything has to come with a disclaimer, birthday party invites have to come with a “in case of emergency please contact” form. Whatevs.
Turns out the Americans were right.
I normally ignore all labels and recipes and instructions. Irritatingly notorious for it. Saturday nights in our house tend to go something like this – Husband goes to cook dinner, like he does most Saturday evenings. He pops the radio on, opens a beer, gets the ingredients out, reads the recipe and then bellows through to the lounge
“WHY DON’T YOU EVER READ THE ACTUAL RECIPE AND INGREDIENTS LIST BEFORE YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE GOT THE STUFF IN FOR THE ACTUAL RECIPE?!!”
Replies tend to be; Dunno. Just whack it all in and you know, improvise. God. *shrugs* Lighten up. Shortly followed a lightbulb moment whereby I bellow “READ THE RECIPE AND BUY THE INGREDIENTS YOURSELF!”.
But this time not actually reading the information slapped quite clearly on a product bit me on my backside.
You see the boys love Owls. And whilst we were dragging ourselves out of the vomming bug we experienced a few weeks ago I picked up this DVD with Owls on it and a big PG stamp in the corner. Result. Owls. Lovely owls. Owls are not scary unless you are a mouse.
Get home, pop it on. Collapsed. Am weak. Shuts eyes. Half listens. Dozes. Half hear about a, whats that? A little tiny fluffy baby owl getting, wait again, what did you say? Getting kidnapped by an evil mean nasty owl and taken thousands of miles away from his mummy to become a —
Sit bolt up-right terrified.
My eyes dart across to the children who have eyes bigger than saucers. They look like they have been at an all night rave but now have to sit through brunch with Granny, acting sober.
Husband frisbies the DVD box at me
“Did you even read the back of the DVD box?!!”
That would be a “no”.
Ed was adamant he wanted to watch some more of the film. Maybe to see how to beat the baddies should this situation ever become real? I don’t know. (I do this with zombie apocolypse movies). But I do know that I spent the whole time we watched the movie speaking in a really shrill voice and saying things like
“Oh! Oh silly owl! HAHAHAHAHAH! What a SILLY owl! Isn’t this all just SO SILLY!”
Here is my PG Tip – always watch PG movies with your kids as recommended on the label. Or even better – just don’t buy them. Justin Fletcher has an MBE for a reason. Just watch freeview channel 71.