Shelling them like peas

I rename this week in the Smith house baby boom week. In one week I have found out…two friends are newly pregnant – one with her first (exciting!), one with her third (exciting and marvellous. And capital-B Brave. And I will be there with the booze as soon as that baby pops and it isn’t “too” dodgy to mix booze and drugs).I have seen another friend who is trudging through the dream-like-mud-state of her first trimester, like a zombie who stops to throw up here and eat a kit kat chunky there. I have another friend who after 4 attempts at IVF is now in her second trimester and clinging on to that baby for dear life after stomach cramps at the weekend. I have had another friend just have her baby yesterday. It got me thinking…babies babies everywhere! And when does a family think their lot is complete and how, HOW do you know?

Assuming of course, you are fortunate enough to be able to make that decision and when that decision is not taken out of your hands by mother nature herself. Big love being sent out to those women and men and families. xx

Some women have that decision taken away from them by partners. Dun dun daaaaaaaaaaaah. *Scary drumrole by a naked chested man using rolled up pamphlets about vasectomies on a drum made of womens emotions*. It is true. I met a woman the other day and we did the normal chit chat about kids. I mean of course, what else?! As a stay at home mum I am unable to discuss politics, the state of the climate, the ftse *folds arms across chest and curls lip at how people assume she is stupid and birthed her brain along with her placenta*…Seriously, though, would have no idea where to start with politics, climate change or the ftse…unless it concerns the politics of why Jessica Simpson pretended not to be pregnant for so long, or that climate change is never so severe in Britain it warrants gross men walking around shirtless with their hands down their jogging pants in May and the ftse, well, who doesnt like talking about shoes? This lady asked me the question I am always asked…did I plan a third? Well, I don’t know, I said. I just don’t know if I am comfortable with the idea of having had all my babies before I was 30. She pulled her neck back and cocked her hip, doing a knowing-mouth. She knew. So, I get her whole past years story. Her husband, when her third baby was 6 weeks old just decided to go for a vasectomy, even though she knew he was against the idea. Hmmmm….I edged away not wanting to be drawn into someone elses obvious issues…

I have this theory daylight savings is a government intervention to curb population growth. On the sat afternoon before the clocks went back, I was packing away Alex’s tiny baby clothes. And I had a tidal wave of broodiness engulf me. Just a mere 12 hours later, that had passed. Significantly. There had been a broodiness drought. Bob Geldoff was penning a song to get me to have more children. And that was because of daylight savings. The Sunday the clocks went back I was awake at 4.50am. I was making shortbread with the children at 6.30am. 6.30am! *wagging finger* Let this be a form of contraception to all the youths out there. I tried bringing early risers Ed and Alex into bed with me that morning hoping for a group cuddle and a few more mins of shut eye in a warm toasty bed. What I got was my nipples pulled, freezing cold feet kicking me in the ribs and my eyes poked. It made me mean. I took a perverted sick delight in making Alex wait for his nap this morning. But, if the government wants to curb population growth then this is the way to do it. I expect the amount of babies conceived late October is not as many as conceived at Christmas.

See…even whilst I write this blog I am putting off going upstairs to help get the kids ready for bed and am enjoying the time that a mother of someone-old-enough-to-be-taken-care-of-by-someone-else appreciates. I have snuck downstairs to “get Alex’s milk” (lie) and “fold some laundry” (lie) and “Put the oven on to pre-heat” (lie). All to avoid bath time. These evenings tend to follow the days that start with Ed delivering little gems at 7am telling me he “is going to be rude all day today, mummy”. Excellent. *Thumbs up!*

I have friends who firmly believe the amount of children people should have per family should be capped and I have had heated discussions on this subject with them. They believe that families should be encouraged to have two children and that is it. David Attenborough is part of a group promoting such. I whole heartedly disagree with this and feel you cannot issue or suggest to issue a blanket across the world saying “two children, thats it. STOP KISSING! STOP IT! NO!!! STOP TOUCHING EACH OTHER”. I imagine David Attenborough throwing condoms instead of confetti over newly weds. I firmly believe such a “foreward thinking idea” wouldnt work, and I base it past events where countries have been told or advised to limit their child intake. China, obviously. Now suffering from a huge male:female blip. Certain parts of India are partaking in “wife sharing”. This isn’t people throwing keys in to a bowl, this is women being forced to have sex and procreate with their husbands brothers because in their culture (and lets be honest, in most cultures) boys are seen as more valuable an offspring than girls so little girls are disposed of.

Blimey….all got a bit serious! *Shakes shoulders dramatically, and pops the kettle on*

Phsyically, the actual idea of having another baby makes me wince a bit. I didn’t have “natural” births with the boys (don’t get me started on THAT “term”) for various reasons and I am torn (ho ho ho) with the memory of recovering after my c-sections physically, and the most amazing emotion that overcomes you when you do have that baby. Both of my births were different. Ed came in to this world cross and angry at being forilbly evicted and waving his chubby fat hands around (at 9lb 8.5oz. he wasn’t wasting away. He came out with a driving liscence and a preference for Julia Donaldson books). Alex emerged when I was mid-chat with the surgeon and was suddenly “there”. He did a little moan, then went back to sleep. In the surgeons arms. Recovering afterwards was a bit of a joke and i think whether you have had “natural”  or c-section or anything in between, then when you hear the words “would you like some paracetomol?” after you have given birth has to be the funniest thing ever. If it didn’t hurt me to tears to laugh i would have laughed everytime they came round with the medication at hospital. Unable to move because of the bloody seeping gash across my stomach, up pipes the nurse with “Paracetomol Mrs Smith?”. Why yes! Super! Also, whilst you are there, please could you arrange for a troup of little fluffy kittens to come and meow me to sleep? That would REALLY help with my pain. Thanks. *Thumbs up*

And then there are times, I look at them, when they are asleep and breathing gently and look so peaceful, and I think wow, shall we? Just one more time? Key sentence here is, when they are asleep.

For some, it is money. I always thought, up until today, honestly, I might have more children> I always saw myself and my reason for being, was to be a mummy. But, I have (touch wood, touch wood touch wood touch wood times infinity) two healthy boys so why get greedy? We struggle with money, like most people and for well, years I have refused to sell the baby things, when realistically, if we arn’t going to have more babies, we could benefit from the sale of the bugaboo (£800 quid! Jeez!) 0r the clothes that are classic “first grandchild”. We have Gap. Ted Baker, Designer shops in Bath. You name it, we got it. But today when we are constantly counting pennies, I have to admit, my bun and oven days are gone.  Sad, but, it is more important to look after the little loaves I have already baked.

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2 Responses to Shelling them like peas

  1. Bubble says:

    Loving your thoughts on a page… it’ll be nice for the boys to read when they’re growed up too! :0)

    Did I feature in this article? I know ‘capping’ is extreme but just for human selfish beings to pay more attention to what they’re doing to this beautiful planet would be enough for me. It’s yours & others’ beautiful little ones that will need it in a half-decent state & it just frustrates me.

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