Slight detour on blog city this week. I was going to do another (hopefully some of you consider me to be anyway *crosses fingers and says a little prayer*) funny post but…well…a friend of mine just had a baby. And she aint in a funny kinda mood right now.
What she needs is the following. She needs;
1) a cup of hot tea (what?! what is this mythical thing of which you udder? Udder? No, not udder. You are just focussed on your breasts as feeding machines! Utter! Utter!)
2) a wee. A wee in peace. Without someone hanging off a boob whilst she does so.
3) sleep….any new mum reading this probably nodding off already. Don’t wake up. Stay asleep. Read this later. I virtually pat your head and tuck you in.
4) to know she is not alone. She is not the first woman to have gone through “this”. She will not be the last. Know that every second you are a gazillion steps ahead of someone else who was where you were that second ago. Baby steps is what it is about. For you, as well as baby H. Allow yourself some smugness knowing you are seconds ahead of someone else.
We have all been through this.
What you need is to give yourself a break and stop beating yourself up. What you can not do, is actually give yourself a break and stop beating yourself up. Eventually, after a few years you will come to a peace with this. And it is like reaching a “peace”. Nothing you do will ever be good enough by your own standards, but, we can only ever do our best. I slap a “well done” sticker on one boob (gently though – those bad boys are still filling up) and a “gold star” sticker on the other. There are no “Must try harder” stickers in my pack. They don’t exist. “It is what it is” stickers do exist and I stick one on your forehead so you see it every time you look in the mirror. *Splat!*
You already ARE an amazing mum, because you are HER mum. Because no one will be a better mother to her than you are. It doesn’t feel like it now. But you will get there.
Their needs feel too much sometimes. Their insistence on your attention and to be the sole focus of your day, can be frankly suffocating. We all feel this. There isn’t a mother in the world who didn’t feel like it was Just. Too. Much.
So, to you I say this. Take help when offered. Take it. Snatch it with your hands and run to the nearest shower and tea pot. Shower WITH the tea pot. Cuddle the tea pot. The tea pot is your friend.
My mum always told me newborn babies are like leeches. They will suck out of you everything they need. Comfort. Nutrients. Attention. You will be left with limited resources. But as the mega awesome woman that you are, you refill your lagging supplies and manage. The greatest gift Mother Nature gave us birds was being resourceful. No perfume? Glade air freshner. No gel inserts? Stuff bar with knickers (just me? Quite probably)
Oh, and you will NEVER know what you are doing. See that woman in a cafe whose child is eating a croissant in silence? Winging. It. That kid never had a croissant in it’s life and she told it that a croissant is a cake. That kid is giddy and feasting on lies right now.
That mother trying on clothes in a changing room in Next whilst her baby sleeps next to her seemingly peacefully in its pram? She is wearing 3 pairs of sucky-inny-knickers, and that baby just had a massive dose of Calpol.
My mum always said to me – Be kind to yourself. Please, read this post PLEASE.
Read it and believe it. My Mum Sue is just like Yoda. She is wise.
And finally….and lets be honest, if the truth does hurt but…go to a mother and baby class. Because there is always someone who had a bit less sleep than you. And that will always make you feel a bit better.